There are no words…

That can even begin to describe just how much our hearts are truly broken. My darling hubby, my rock in nearly all my adult life is gone. Our children struggle with their own grief whilst being gentle with mine, we are all in such pain.

Our boys are back at work now, and I have the allotment. It was the first place Son no.1 and I went to after the dreadful 6.00 a.m. phone call to say hubby had left us. We went to spend time with him and then came back and spent our next few hours at the plot. It was exactly the right decision as we sat in stunned silence, exhausted after the previous months, letting nature wash over us.

The plot is slowly starting to take shape again and I know hubby would be proud of the way it’s coming along, he’d kept it so beautifully this year, we had said to each other it was the best year we had ever had. It was so verdant green with our continuous watering, I know hubby was so happy in our little plot.

So I go up there and do a bit, it makes me happy, until it makes me sad because my minds eye is watching and waiting for hubby to walk up the track, and then I cry big fat tears. So I rest, and let it flow, until the idea of another job to do forms and then I do a bit more.

And that’s what I’m going to do, maybe forever.

Goodbye my darling, safe journey. x