Crossing the Rubicon.

I am in a quandary, its been bouncing around in my brain for quite a while.

I think I shall put it on my things to discuss with my psychologist but I just wanted to bounce it off others before I make that step, and link it to a group called “Smooth Operators” (such a great name) on Ravelry.

If you would like to read a little background here is Wig 1 and what was an extremely frustrating moment Wig 2

The thing is I have two very beautiful and very long hand made wigs made in this country that was made with European hair, without spending thousands this is as good as it gets in the wig making fraternity in this country. My parents, who are both pensioners and have to watch their pennies donated £500 pounds to the cost of one of the two wigs that were specially made for me.

It was a very generous act, one which I am sure they hoped would make me extremely happy and able to cope with what life had thrown at me.

Fast forward two years and I have had one wig cut in, (very long fringe to hide bald eyebrows and layers) I’ve worn it a handful of times, it was still as depressing to wear a wig handmade for myself as it was a wig made from plastic bought of the shelf.

But I have kept hold of them, because I had this thought in my head that if one of my children were to marry, then they might prefer me in a wig, rather than being the center of attention and having a whole new group of people gawping at me. (the brides side) I thought I probably would cope better with a formal occasion, unless it was the middle of high summer which would mean they would find a soggy, sweat dripping down the face of Mother of the Groom perched in the corner of the room trying to look invisible.

And even though my children say that they wouldn’t be very happy if the Brides mother (they are both not dating, but I can talk to them about my worries and they seem to understand) had this view and that if I wore a wig they wouldn’t recognise me. Which is strange because I hardly recognise myself being bald yet my children are getting past the stage of recognising me with hair!

But as a woman, I am very aware at how some Brides mothers might want everything to be absolutely perfect and how having a bald woman in the line up of the immediate family pictures might somehow shatter their illusion of their daughters perfect day.

And even if my boys kicked off, I would understand that view from a woman that had high hopes.

On the other hand, these are beautiful wigs which would suit many people as they could be cut in to any style and because of their length they are still valuable. If I sold them, I could get rid of all of the wigs, and make a clean slate in my bedroom. (I would get rid of another four wigs that are synthetic as well).. And that would be nice.

Also, and this is very important too, I would like to pay the five hundred pounds back to my parents, so whatever I could get for them would be going back to them.

And this is the big but, what will happen if I regret it. Its crossing the Rubicon, is there a way out. I certainly wouldn’t want to go through the NHS system again and have another wig fitting, along with the fact that it is extremely unlikely that they would give the go ahead for human hair wigs, (I was very depressed when that happened) its normal practise for alopecian’s to be given synthetic wigs. And then I have lost something really beautiful which I may have wanted to use..

To be honest there was a very recent event, where I ummed and ahhed and had many crisis as to what to wear, both in clothes and bald or wigged. It was a formal but light hearted occasion with a very close friend where I would be ‘on show’ and it was okay, it was a lovely day, and although I haven’t seen any photo’s (which I am not sure is a good thing or a bad thing) I was made to feel very welcome looking just as I am, bald as a coot. It was a lovely day and looking back on the day I was able to be me.

Your thoughts?

10 thoughts on “Crossing the Rubicon.

  1. Mary says:

    Wedding Brain says, is it not perfectly normal for ladies to wear fabulous hats at events like weddings anyway? Buy an interesting enough piece of millinery and very few people will squint hard enough to notice the hair or lack thereof underneath it.Top marks to the lads though. Anyone who objects to one's mother being the way she is may shove it where the sun does not shine.


  2. mandycharlie says:

    Thanks Mary,It is not just about the wedding photo's it is about the reception. Do I wear the wig whilst eating, dancing, etc. It is a whole day that I have to consider.. (okay it is one in my imagination, but one that may happen that I need to think about before any drastic action re: the wigs)Thank you for the comments about my boys, I am proud of them and how they have dealt with my circumstances.


  3. Mary says:

    What's the primary reason to get rid of the wigs? To make space? To raise funds? To give someone else an opportunity to buy a wig they could not afford to buy new? To move them to somewhere where you don't have to see them every day and have them making you feel uncomfortable about whether or not the World At Large expects you to wear them?It's not something I have any direct experience of, I'm sure there are other blog readers who do have experience of alopecia and will be able to give a more informed view… but I think, if it were me, I would hang on to the nicest one, and put considerable effort into storing it in such a way that it would be safe and preserved but also out of sight and out of mind. Then, knowing that the fallback was in place, I would decide about the rest.


  4. steel breeze says:

    I think I'm with Mary on this one – I think I'd keep the nice ones and chuck the synthetic ones, myself. Do they take up a lot of space, are they hard to store? I seem to remember you had a lot of fitting problems, so it's not as if they would be easy to replace. I'm sure your parents would understand your keeping them, even if they don't come out very often. I'd also be tempted to try a week wearing one (best do it in winter!) and see if I got used to how it made me look. It takes me a while to get used to a new haircut, but after a week or so I can hardly remember the old look. But that's just me!I'm sure the bride's family would be fine – most English folk keep quiet about such things. I once spotted a bearded bloke walking through town wearing a flowery dress – and nobody batted an eyelid!


  5. Mrs R says:

    Coming out from lurking! I came to your blog via “Stasher”, I'm a Swindon friend, and very much enjoy reading about your knitting, allotment and boys.Anyway, to my thoughts on baldness. I have had some experience having lost my hair twice due to chemotherapy. The first time I went down the wig route but never wore one simply because it wasn't “me”, the second time I didn't even think about getting one. Both times I wore a selection of hats and scarves which were comfortable and helped me feel better about how I looked. I wondered how my children (a girl and two boys, teenagers at the time) would react but they all accepted my baldness without question and were puzzled when I asked them if they wanted me to wear a hat in front of their friends. I think you have to follow your heart and do what feels most comfortable for you. Following Mary's comment, there are some absolutely fabulous hats around for wedding type events and I think it would be rather stylish to wear one throughout the day.Only you can decide whether or not to get rid of your wigs, but if you feel you want to make a clean sweep then I would go for it, especially if they could be of use to someone else.Good luck with your decision!You are right to feel proud of your boys, it is lovely to have good relationships with growing-up children.Judith


  6. PineSlayer says:

    My philosophy is that it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.Just my 2 cents.DeeWearing wigs full time for 6 years now.I'm also one of the moderators of a great, non-commercial web site http://www.wigsupport.comWe are a group of people helping other people and the site is moderated so it's a safe as anything is on the Internet.


  7. Jo says:

    I'm so sorry that you're agonising over this decision. It's easy for me to say think of yourself, do what feels right for you, when really I would be having exactly the same thoughts as you if it were me. I would do as others have suggested, keep the good ones and get rid of the synthetic ones. I'm sure it truly wouldn't matter to your boys though, you've brought them up with fabulous qualities.


  8. Jenny says:

    My opinion for what it's worth is get rid of the lower quality ones, keep the good ones. When the wedding comes around definitely go for the fancy hat option and discuss with the bride and groom whether you will wear a wig at the reception. Any daughter in law worthy of your lovely sons will have your best interests at heart too.


  9. Diane says:

    I think Mr R's advice is good. And I have seen some fabulous things done with scarves on ladies with no hair. You could even wear one of an evening if you wanted to look dressy and less bald. I think I would keep one of the nice ones (as a safety net) but get rid of the others. I think its becoming more “acceptable” to see ladies with no hair these days , thanks to Gail Porter – and I noticed that one of the Nolans is appearing on TV over Christmas withiut her hair ( I think she has had chemo). Your boys are used to seeing you without hair as they look at you all the time, but I bet you dont linger around the mirror often – I know I dont! The thing I first notice when someone – male or female – has no hair, is how beautiful their eyes are.Where is your button so I can press it to follow you – as I keep losing you? xxxx


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