I am in a quandary, its been bouncing around in my brain for quite a while.
I think I shall put it on my things to discuss with my psychologist but I just wanted to bounce it off others before I make that step, and link it to a group called “Smooth Operators” (such a great name) on Ravelry.
The thing is I have two very beautiful and very long hand made wigs made in this country that was made with European hair, without spending thousands this is as good as it gets in the wig making fraternity in this country. My parents, who are both pensioners and have to watch their pennies donated £500 pounds to the cost of one of the two wigs that were specially made for me.
It was a very generous act, one which I am sure they hoped would make me extremely happy and able to cope with what life had thrown at me.
Fast forward two years and I have had one wig cut in, (very long fringe to hide bald eyebrows and layers) I’ve worn it a handful of times, it was still as depressing to wear a wig handmade for myself as it was a wig made from plastic bought of the shelf.
But I have kept hold of them, because I had this thought in my head that if one of my children were to marry, then they might prefer me in a wig, rather than being the center of attention and having a whole new group of people gawping at me. (the brides side) I thought I probably would cope better with a formal occasion, unless it was the middle of high summer which would mean they would find a soggy, sweat dripping down the face of Mother of the Groom perched in the corner of the room trying to look invisible.
And even though my children say that they wouldn’t be very happy if the Brides mother (they are both not dating, but I can talk to them about my worries and they seem to understand) had this view and that if I wore a wig they wouldn’t recognise me. Which is strange because I hardly recognise myself being bald yet my children are getting past the stage of recognising me with hair!
But as a woman, I am very aware at how some Brides mothers might want everything to be absolutely perfect and how having a bald woman in the line up of the immediate family pictures might somehow shatter their illusion of their daughters perfect day.
And even if my boys kicked off, I would understand that view from a woman that had high hopes.
On the other hand, these are beautiful wigs which would suit many people as they could be cut in to any style and because of their length they are still valuable. If I sold them, I could get rid of all of the wigs, and make a clean slate in my bedroom. (I would get rid of another four wigs that are synthetic as well).. And that would be nice.
Also, and this is very important too, I would like to pay the five hundred pounds back to my parents, so whatever I could get for them would be going back to them.
And this is the big but, what will happen if I regret it. Its crossing the Rubicon, is there a way out. I certainly wouldn’t want to go through the NHS system again and have another wig fitting, along with the fact that it is extremely unlikely that they would give the go ahead for human hair wigs, (I was very depressed when that happened) its normal practise for alopecian’s to be given synthetic wigs. And then I have lost something really beautiful which I may have wanted to use..
To be honest there was a very recent event, where I ummed and ahhed and had many crisis as to what to wear, both in clothes and bald or wigged. It was a formal but light hearted occasion with a very close friend where I would be ‘on show’ and it was okay, it was a lovely day, and although I haven’t seen any photo’s (which I am not sure is a good thing or a bad thing) I was made to feel very welcome looking just as I am, bald as a coot. It was a lovely day and looking back on the day I was able to be me.