Birthday, wot birthday?

I have just about recovered my humour enough to be able to blog about Sundays events.

Saturday night (the eve of my birthday) was a lovely night. The boys and I were playing poker until the early hours, which was fun, especially when hubby in all seriousness bet the best part of what would have been the shirt off his back (if it was Real money) on a trio of pairs…! Oh, how we screamed with laughter, I actually couldn’t breath for a while, as I tried to explain whilst trying to take gulps of air, whilst laughing hysterically that I had just thrown a better hand away because of his reckless gambling. We must remember to go through the rules carefully with hubby everytime we play.

So everyone went to bed happy, I had no insight at all as to what would occur the next day.

I woke early, (mainly because son no.2 hasn’t mastered the art of padding around and closing the front door quietly at 5.30 a.m. on the way to his paper round) happy and eager, ready to get on with the days celebrations.

Hubby presented me with a lovely card, which was a very good start. Then, there was nothing, quickly followed by more of nothing. There were excuses… although hubby remained rather quiet, son no.1 apologised and told me he had left his card at work.. Son no.2 was still at work..

O..kay.. this is going well then..

So, as I had already chosen to wander around the local car boot sale, thats where we trotted to.. It was going okay, although I had started to notice that I was paying for Everything… After about the fifth time I had paid, I said to hubby, “would you mind paying for something?”…. “Well, no, I’m penniless” “Wot?” “I haven’t been the bank”.

“Right so lets get this straight, I have received no presents, no cake, nothing And… you’ve come out with me on my birthday without any money… “

“Yep, thats it”.. A stall holder who I was bantering with at the time, looked incredulous and looked over to his wife, who had also heard our little conversation and looked as shocked as he did and he was so concerned over me, wished me happy birthday and told hubby what a miserable article he was.. (in a jovial way of course) Really, I should have seen the signs well before this, as hubby had scratched around trying to find the 50p entrance fee. Lets face it the moths are fully formed in his wallet.

breathe deeply mandy…

We got home and son no.2 is just trundling his newspaper carrier up the road with a carrier bag attached to the handle waving merrily in the wind with what looked very much like a birthday card inside it. I asked him if it was my birthday card and he just giggled hysterically… We left him to it and drove over to Birmingham. I thought it would be nice to look around there instead of the cotswold villages.

Shortly afterwards we were in Selfridges food hall and I just fancied one of those delicious ice creams, waited in the que, ordered our one scoop (have you Seen the prices!) of each of our favoured flavours and watched as hubby gently stood back, just as we got to the till… I looked over at him and was thinking something along the lines of ‘.. birthday,, me,, <— oh yeah, he's got no money..' as I paid, yet again..

I’m still breathing deeply..

But by this point, its becoming a chant in my head.. ‘no cake, no pressies, my birthday’ in a bit of loop.

We walked over to Rackhams as its the only place I know of in Birmingham that sells wool. On the way, I sort of snapped at hubby and said.. “Are you going to get some money today?” “Oh yeah, soon as I see a bank”, he sounds so positive and cheery, he really has no idea whats going through my head. You’d think after twenty years he would have read some of the signs, wouldn’t you?

Within seconds we pass a bank, I nudge hubby, “bank” “Oh but look at the que, I’m not waiting in that” I think my jaw dropped just a little bit more and I started to feel very sad and emotional.

I’m still breathing deeply but I’m hitting an emotional brick wall.

Then we pass another bank and he gets money. So at this point ladies and gentleman he does have ready cash in his wallet. Hope springs eternal, well for at least ten minutes…

We get to the wool department and there is a little bit of sale going on and I find 16 balls of a cashcotton in a colour I will wear for a pound a ball. Which cheered me up no end, until that is,, I went to pay and hubby at the till did the backward almost trip over your self maneuver he has perfected so well over the years. Did he get his wallet out of his pocket with a flourish, saying with a happy trill in his voice, don’t worry love, I’ll pay for this, did he hell as like.

Now, I know Rackhams, I’ve only been there a couple of times but I know it well enough to know it has a very good Bar in it. By this point, I Need (not want, Need) fortification and they do a very good G & T. He Pays! (I can hear the band in my head playing ‘Congratulations’, the Cliff Richard version) and whilst I am sitting, allowing the combination of the air conditioning and icy coolness of my drink and of course its alcoholic content to take its desired effect. Hubby gets his wallet out… Am I to get my birthday treat in cash, one can only hope, as a woman of the world, money is a present too which I will quite happily accept. Naww, don’t be daft Mandy, he hands me over some cash to help cover my earlier expenses.

I am still breathing, Just! and require another G & T,

We pad back to Selfridges, passing a jewellers, but my hearts not in it. I’m sinking and sinking fast.

I try one last tack, shall we go and see what the Canal Basin is like, seeing the signposts and dimly remembering that there has been regeneration in that area and it would be nice to see what its like. Hubby can’t find it and he starts to head home.

I get home go to bed and basically weep and am deeply sad. Friends ring to wish me happy birthday and I basically blub at them on the phone. My sons then present me with a birthday card, no present, just a card. It took me several hours before I had recovered enough emotional strength to open it.

I open my card from Mum and Dad and find a banknote in it, my first and one and only present. Later, much later hubby buys us a chinese takeaway, which I’m grateful for, if only because then I don’t have to find and cook something to eat.

The eldest of my brothers sent me a card, which when I opened it in my turmoil made me laugh so much, I rang him there and then to thank him. I shall repeat it for your pleasure..

“Sharon had no chocolate, no alcohol
and she was completely hormonal.
Still, if she could find a man to nag,
then maybe the day could be salvaged.”

And then I went to bed.

On Monday, I took son no.2 to Leamington for the day and basically gave hubbys credit card a proper and thorough hammering. So I feel better now.

Oh and hubby bought me a bunch of flowers from Sainsburys on the way home from work. (the middle of the range, almost expensive version!)

3 thoughts on “Birthday, wot birthday?

  1. Mandy says:

    What????I’m sorry this is not on – what a heel! If it was me I would have been spitting feathers at this behaviour and there would definitely be only space for me in my bed. It’s not the lack of presents it’s the utter lack of thought. I hope you blank him out for a long time. Oh and for his brithday – arrange to be out, take the remotes with you and leave him a list of chores. Bet he won’t forget next year!!!


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