I wish I’d known just how much more enjoyable my life would become when I started writing my first blog post some nine years ago. At the time I was in a very low place, I had lost my hair that summer in the space of six weeks and was struggling to keep a toe hold on reality. My reality had been completely blown out the water and that combined with friends and strangers who constantly told me that my hair would grow back and then pronounce that it was all from stress meant I was slowly backing myself into a suicidal state of mind that I could find no relief from.
Deciding I needed an occupation to fully engage with I taught myself to knit socks from surfing the internet. It took three months to knit my first pair but while I was learning how to turn a heel, ripping my work back and trying again, I found a whole new world. There were knitting blogs and sewing blogs, utube and videos and Ravelry which is facebook for knitters, it was just incredible, I had no idea. I started to engage and they were chatty and friendly and nice and unless I told them, no one knew, I was just a chatty girl in the UK.
Then I decided to start my own blog and talked about my allotment and knitting and it gave me pleasure to spend most of the weekend at the allotment with hubby and then to relax with a glass of wine and write on a Sunday evening. As I started to focus, to really look at the changing seasons, week to week, even day to day I felt my mood begin to lift. There were still the stupid people, the comments hadn’t gone away every time I stepped out of my front door but mostly I began to deal with them in a better way, helped no end by a stint with a psychologist who gave me a few tools to use for the particularly bad moments and the love and support from my family.
The more I photographed and wrote, the more I wanted to and the more I wanted to the more observant I became, I had concocted the perfect pick me up, by accident. During the years I’ve upgraded my camera, started a knitting group, gone to college as a mature student in her mid to late forties, then onto University in London leaving her family in the countryside. Created jackets and trousers and dresses and skirts, blankets and quilts, jumpers and cardigans and socks, lots and lots of socks, taught myself computer packages and found my way around the underground. My blog has comforted me in my darkest of hours and made me laugh with the purest of joy, it has taken me to places I never would have gone and allows me to see just how far I have come. It has protected me and grown with me and is to me a dear, dear friend.
If only I’d known all that was to come, when I made my first tentative post nine years ago.
This post is linked up with Finish the Sentence Friday, hosted by Kristi Campbell at Finding Ninee, the prompt this week is, I wish I’d known…