I am in a quandary, its been bouncing around in my brain for quite a while.

I think I shall put it on my things to discuss with my psychologist but I just wanted to bounce it off others before I make that step, and link it to a group called “Smooth Operators” (such a great name) on Ravelry.

If you would like to read a little background here is Wig 1 and what was an extremely frustrating moment Wig 2

The thing is I have two very beautiful and very long hand made wigs made in this country that was made with European hair, without spending thousands this is as good as it gets in the wig making fraternity in this country. My parents, who are both pensioners and have to watch their pennies donated £500 pounds to the cost of one of the two wigs that were specially made for me.

It was a very generous act, one which I am sure they hoped would make me extremely happy and able to cope with what life had thrown at me.

Fast forward two years and I have had one wig cut in, (very long fringe to hide bald eyebrows and layers) I’ve worn it a handful of times, it was still as depressing to wear a wig handmade for myself as it was a wig made from plastic bought of the shelf.

But I have kept hold of them, because I had this thought in my head that if one of my children were to marry, then they might prefer me in a wig, rather than being the center of attention and having a whole new group of people gawping at me. (the brides side) I thought I probably would cope better with a formal occasion, unless it was the middle of high summer which would mean they would find a soggy, sweat dripping down the face of Mother of the Groom perched in the corner of the room trying to look invisible.

And even though my children say that they wouldn’t be very happy if the Brides mother (they are both not dating, but I can talk to them about my worries and they seem to understand) had this view and that if I wore a wig they wouldn’t recognise me. Which is strange because I hardly recognise myself being bald yet my children are getting past the stage of recognising me with hair!

But as a woman, I am very aware at how some Brides mothers might want everything to be absolutely perfect and how having a bald woman in the line up of the immediate family pictures might somehow shatter their illusion of their daughters perfect day.

And even if my boys kicked off, I would understand that view from a woman that had high hopes.

On the other hand, these are beautiful wigs which would suit many people as they could be cut in to any style and because of their length they are still valuable. If I sold them, I could get rid of all of the wigs, and make a clean slate in my bedroom. (I would get rid of another four wigs that are synthetic as well).. And that would be nice.

Also, and this is very important too, I would like to pay the five hundred pounds back to my parents, so whatever I could get for them would be going back to them.

And this is the big but, what will happen if I regret it. Its crossing the Rubicon, is there a way out. I certainly wouldn’t want to go through the NHS system again and have another wig fitting, along with the fact that it is extremely unlikely that they would give the go ahead for human hair wigs, (I was very depressed when that happened) its normal practise for alopecian’s to be given synthetic wigs. And then I have lost something really beautiful which I may have wanted to use..

To be honest there was a very recent event, where I ummed and ahhed and had many crisis as to what to wear, both in clothes and bald or wigged. It was a formal but light hearted occasion with a very close friend where I would be ‘on show’ and it was okay, it was a lovely day, and although I haven’t seen any photo’s (which I am not sure is a good thing or a bad thing) I was made to feel very welcome looking just as I am, bald as a coot. It was a lovely day and looking back on the day I was able to be me.

Your thoughts?

And we shall have snow,
And what will poor robin do then,
Poor thing?
He’ll sit in a barn,
And Keep himself warm
And hide his head under his wing,
Poor thing.

We in Warwickshire have been very lucky that we haven’t had inches and inches of snow. We had a little bit, it stayed for a few days, it did not disrupt traffic and then it went. As a walker (rather than a driver) I did find the pavements very slippy, so I only went out if necessary. I think snow is pretty, but not if one were to break a hip.

However, we are having some very hard frosts and late morning today I took a photograph of the beautiful tree’s caught in an icy pose. There is no wind at all, which would normally break up the ice. The lack of wind has created a very strange, eerie atmosphere, almost reminiscent of Coleridge’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner when the ship is caught in the doldrums.

Cottage Pie,

I do like a cottage pie especially when there is a chill in the air. You could label it cottage and vegetable pie. I do put a lot of vegetables into my pies, firstly, I am a veg freak, I love them and secondly its an easy way to bulk out your meat and slip in a few vegetables to a hungry child. I’ve perfected the way I add the carrots and swede in that I fry the onions then add the root vegetables and slowly saute them with a greased proof paper lid. Which allows enough steam to escape and the vegetables slowly soften and shrink and become sweeter. Then I add the mince and fry it off, minced garlic, (you wouldn’t want your garlic to burn, which it will if you add it too early) tomato puree, various herbs, a beef stock cube and a good splash of worcester sauce, salt and black pepper, water to make the gravy and then I add a couple of handfuls of peas. Let it bubble for a bit, thicken it slightly with cornflour and let it stand whilst you deal with the potatoes. Cover it with mash and pop it in a medium hot oven for an hour. I always serve it with something green and leafy, yesterday it was a little broccoli although I think it would have worked better with a sharper vegetable such as kale.

And the beauty of this is its a substantial meal for much less than a fiver. Thank you Jamie, I have been perfecting my family meals over the course of twenty odd years, but I am glad you are teaching others on how to get the best out of their ingredients. And the best bit about home cooking, is the leftovers, especially on a cold and frosty day.

Lunch was delicious and I have enough left over for lunch tomorrow. Five meals for about four pounds fifty, can’t be bad.

I’ve finished son no.1’s hat. It took longer than anticipated because of all of the cables, but it has turned out really well.

I’ve blocked it and it is at long last dry. The pattern is tighter where the cabling is and it does make it a snug fit. The blocking that I gave it has loosened it up in this area.

So at long last he will be able to wear it. I hope he enjoys it.

And the pattern is Knotty but Nice by Natalie Larson. It is a very popular pattern which people seem to be having a lot of fun with. The yarn I used was Rowan Pure Wool Aran on 4.5 mm needles. It was one of the Kemps specials, 500g for a fiver and therefore this hat cost me about 75p to knit, I am feeling thrifty at the moment. (My husband might say otherwise!)

As a rule I don’t keep biscuits or cakes in the house, its simply too tempting for me. When the boys were young we needed to keep odd bits and bobs like that in the cupboards, as boys, whilst growing are very much like locusts, they can clear a kitchen of tasty titbits in seconds. To be honest I was often mugged for high fat, high carbohydrate treats whilst walking from the front door to the kitchen, small boys pulling on my bags, with my cry of “Let me get in the door”

Its pretty cold around here and we have huge windows which are single glazed with steel window frames. You know when the curtains are open, its like a blast of frozen air from a freezer. Today the surveyor came around from our chosen double glazing merchant. It was going well until he told us that we probably wouldn’t be fitted until March. We were definitely sad faced. 😦

Hubby went back to work and I carried on with the baby sock that I was hoping to squeeze out of some very pretty yarn that I have. Nope, not enough yarn. Even sadder faced.

And it was then that I had a biscuit emergency! I had already eaten the chicken curry and rice from yesterday and had boiled eggs for breakfast, but there it was, the craving for a hit of fat and sugar.

I let the craving rage for an hour, then had an Options (40 calories!) Belgium Chocolate flavour drink, (yum) but that wasn’t going to do the trick today. So another hour later, I put the oven on, whipped up a small batch of shortbread and put the kettle on whilst choosing which tea to drink. Mostly I drink decaf for various reasons, today I thought a little hit of caffeine might just pick me up, so chose Oolong which I find very pleasing.

The biscuits came out of the oven whilst the teapot was warming with freshly boiled water.

Tea and biscuits, ready to be taken into the living room to be slowly consumed in front of a roaring open fire.

All gone. And very nice it was too.

Still look on the bright side, at least I will have plenty of opportunities to wear my woolly socks and cardigans, this winter. I’ve always wondered whether I will actually like double glazing, this might sound odd but I quite like the odd draught, it freshens up a room and I like hearing the birds sing, the hooting of the owls, foxes calling to each other and footsteps in the night that are walking away, (not trying to break into my sons car as was once the case). I wonder just how much I will miss these things.

Jack Frost nipping on your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.”

Brrr, it is a bit nippy,

and when its nippy there is only one course of action.

a lovely roaring fire…

As being enjoyed by Eric and Charlie (Pip’s had just disappeared because he had become too hot)

And rather than admit you are too hot, Eric has mastered the art of Heat Bathing.

He has developed it into quite an art form. Eventually he had to admit defeat and get off my lap because he was simply too hot.

and hot soup…

Hubby and son no.1 are working hard outside today so before they went out I made then a comforting and nourishing soup. Basically it was a left over soup from fresh chicken stock stored in the freezer, home grown leeks, left over mashed potato, 1/2 bag of salad leaves mostly comprising of rocket, watercress and spinach, some fresh ginger, a tin of sweetcorn, a dash of milk and then well seasoned. It was surprisingly good. Accompanied with almost stale wholemeal bread, toasted and rubbed over with fresh garlic, to be broken up as wished into one’s soup. A meal from almost nothing one might say. I do find it very satisfying to make something tasty with leftovers that could easily be thrown away.

and knitting…

Oh you did notice the yarn… This is Indigo Moon in colourway Starlight. Purchased many moons ago from Socktopus.

And although I should be sewing in ends of the squares of my Lizard Ridge blanket, I felt the need to knit some truly beautiful socks in front of the fire. I am in love with this yarn, if anyone knows of a source of Indigo Moon in this country could they please let me know as sadly Socktopus no longer stocks high end luxury sock yarn. (Mind you Alice is very busy with other wonderful adventures)

And although I am indulging by immersing myself in jewel like yarn, I did finish my Mum’s Christmas socks last night. In a colourway that I had had trouble hunting down. Opal 4ply in Winter Fairy Tale 2154, knit on 2.5 needles. Hopefully Mum will like them as much as I do.

can at last be revealed.

As some of you in the outside world will know I have a knitting partner or two, one of which is Knitted Bear. – she has a blog, she is a brilliant writer. And as much as is humanly possible we share moments of crafting time together either quilting or knitting and when time constraints put a stop to that we talk and email and message each other about yarn or material or patterns, we could talk non stop just about colour, and if you put texture and drape into that equation I am sure the conversation could last for days. It is a relationship I enjoy very much.

Well, a few weeks ago I was asked by Knitted Bear to be God Mother to the adorable Kitty. You could have knocked me down with a feather, and after a very brief moment where I asked myself “Is my belief system intact?” Which I agreed with myself that it was. I said “Yes”, and we both bubbled over with enthusiasm. There have been a myriad of emotions that have swept over me in the last couple of weeks, some very good, some doubtful as to my abilities. Its almost like being a brand new parent again, I am taking this as a sign that I am taking my new role in Kitty’s life very seriously.

The day dawned and we trotted to a very cute little church. Kitty has family and friends that simply adore her, she was center of attention, which is how it should be. It was a beautiful service, with many hymns – which I especially liked. There was a very special moment when after Revd Elaine had drawn the sign of the cross on Kitty’s forehead, parents, god parents and the oldest member of the congregation traced over the cross. It was a very moving, yet tender moment. Due to the warmth of the water, (which was a very clever move by Elaine, she’s obviously done this before!) Kitty hardly murmured as she was baptised.

A very proud Mum and Dad with a wide awake Kitty who just seems to be taking it all in. Then we all went back to Knitted Bear’s home to sample the delights of cake, champagne and some very elegant catering. H’s Father has a knack of filling a champagne flute to just the right level and we were all kept generously supplied for the toast to Kitty.

The first tier of Knitted Bear and H’s Wedding cake, very carefully saved for the last four and a half years. I am afraid I wasn’t brave enough to try it, but am seriously impressed with how those paste roses have withstood the passage of time. I am reliably informed that it will be a relief to get some space back in the kitchen cupboard.

Kitty’s Christening cake, which was as delicious as it looked, (a generous layer of butter cream and jam), Marks and Spencers get it right again.

Followed by a few photographs of a very adorable and quite contented Kitty. I only took a few photo’s because I have to use a flash with my little camera and I didn’t want to upset her. Keep your eyes peeled on Knitted Bears blog I am sure there will be lots of photographs in due course.

Kitty is wearing a beautiful christening gown that her daddy wore 30 odd years ago.

And Kitty practicing her royal wave, as we have to say goodbye to her, until another day.

The 35th and possibly last square of my Lizard Ridge blanket.

Its quite an emotional moment, I have been working on this since January 2008, so nearly three years!

(although there is still much work to be done, sewing in ends, sewing the squares together, crocheting a border and possibly lining the blanket)

You see I have had a rummage through my squares and there are two which are very, very blue. I really am not a blue girl, although some blues are filtering into my stash, generally I do not have very much blue in rooms that I use. Boys bedrooms are an exception. So once I have laid out my squares I will see just how much these blue squares jar in my arty mind.

Next is the decision on whether it will be wide enough. I am doing a 7 by 5 format. I don’t want it too wide because then the weight of it can break the yarn, but not wide enough just leaves you feeling drafty. And after three years I do wish to be cosy.

So I am looking for perfection, perfection, perfection.

But,

There is a side of me that just says, Finish the blanket and get on with your Christmas knitting…

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I finished this hat about a week ago, it really only took me two evenings and it is a very enjoyable pattern. Aunt Shirley Hat by Jennifer de Graaf is such a lovely knit.

But then I blocked it, and instead of cheating like I normally do and flinging it in the washing machine for a quick spin. I decided to gently block it and wait for it to dry naturally. This was a mistake. This hat has been in various locations in my kitchen trying to catch the warmth of weak watery rays of the winter sun, it has hovered precariously closely to an oven in full swing and has even sat on top of the dishwasher whilst in full cycle. Eventually it is dry, I left it another three days to when I thought it might be dry enough, just to get out any remaining dampness left in it.

This pattern is lovely in the way that it would fit any width of head, although some might prefer it a little longer. I suspect you could find a means of lengthening it. I am hoping that it will fit beautifully the young girls head it is intended for, and I hope she loves the colour as much as I do.

And I knitted it in Grace Silk and Wool by Lousia Harding in Amethyst which is a mixture of the dreams of Princesses, soft cotton clouds and extra special secrets that contain magical moments to come.

Firstly I must confess to having abandoned my purple period. I was quite right in that the stress of a two week knit would firstly take all of the enjoyment out of it and secondly make me so stressed that I could no longer count.

I tried three patterns altogether with my beautiful Wollmeise lace, the last pattern which I will try again I would have been able to complete happily in my first year of knitting, but at the moment, its a no go. So I’ve given up on the idea and have slunk back to my Lizard Ridge blanket. It is comfortable and soothing as I have learnt the pattern off by heart, and somehow I need comfortable and soothing just at this moment.

There is other news/confessions.

The sewing/knitting room progresses, although the decorating has stopped after the glossing of all of the woodwork because I found some beautiful wall paper and hubby thinks it would be a good idea to put that up after the windows have been fitted. (the windows will be fitted when we eventually make a decision although the VAT rise that is imminent is somewhat concentrating the mind)

And today hubby moved all of my yarn from *cough* various locations into my room and so I started to put it into some sort of workable format. For instance I decided not to go by colour but to go by the weight of the yarn.

It is slightly shocking to see your splurges up close and personal, I knew the Wollmeise was going to take a considerable amount of space, as I also knew would my hand dyed sock yarn, carefully chosen over the last three years at various events around the country. But, if pressed I would have said that I only had about 6 to 7 balls of commercial sock yarn left. (Opal, Regia etc etc.) And that really I probably needed more.. How disillusioned can you be, I have filled a very large container and realistically I won’t be able to fasten the lid!

There have been moments of finding wonderful treasures that I had completely forgotten about and also of shock at just how many balls of the same yarn were purchased on a crazy Boxing Day (or the day after) morning stood in the middle of John Lewis giddy and high as a kite on the yarn fumes.

I have found Scottish Tweed in my favourite colour (Lobster) in three weights, dk, aran and chunky, I was quite pleased about that. And most weirdly of all, I found a parcel of yarn which had been posted to me, which was identical to some that I had bought in John Lewis. So not only am I high on the yarn fumes, I can’t remember what I have bought. All I can say is I obviously liked it and it was a good price on both occasions.

I have sorted out about half of my yarnny treasures, the next half is much more tricky and will take longer. I will try not to get too distracted!.

my Crazy Woman moment.

Without giving too much away, I have an important function to attend in just over two weeks, one which I am really looking forward to. And this morning I had a “wouldn’t it be nice to have a lovely lace thing to drape around me” moment.

Now I do know how reckless this is, the chances realistically are quite remote that I will finish in time. But if you don’t try, you won’t know.

And I have had Fiore di Melanzana on my wish list for a while.

So this is Mandy signing off, clutching Wollmeise Lace in Fliederbusch and just about to start searching for invisible cast on tutorials.